This dress was meant to end up on your floor
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
