i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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