He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
