guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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