How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
