I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
