the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize