the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
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i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the day after is always just damage control
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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