Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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