every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
