some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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