Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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