I feel like abortions should bother me more
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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