i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
