State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
