Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
