Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
