Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can you bring me the toilet please
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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