I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
