can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
