I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
