So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im holly from the hills drunk
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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