ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you never un-have a 4some
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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