I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
