ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
