I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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