Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
