Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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