Don't make out with my wife yet
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
