let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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