It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
