where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
