I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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