She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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