i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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