I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
