Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
