why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
