I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
