This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
