Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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