I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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