I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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