i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
