I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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