im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i came on her dog
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
