too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
