I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
