On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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