please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
