If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Randomize
