I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
