please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize