it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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