do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
