I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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