I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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