What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
