he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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