Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
