But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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