My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
