went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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