you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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