It's Friday. Sex?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
