if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
